It’s been long time that I wrote. Its late evening. I’m bored to look at my office work which I generally do at my spare time. Hubby went to meet his friend and my little son also went to his neighbor friend’s home. I wonder how time flies, this little boy never used to go to play area without me. Now he is a big boy. I’m happy that he is making friends J Just remembering the difficult time, I had faced when he was small.

A new story began when I born as a “Mother”.

I was always a happy lively person, satisfied with what I had and what I was doing. I was happy that I was working and I was Independent. I was very thrilled and happy when I gave birth to a new life, my little Avik who is 5 years now.

But somehow after he was born I was not able to manage things alone. I could foresee losing my job I was in love with. I needed help from parents/n-laws. I needed help from a nanny. But unfortunately, none of them had worked in my case. I did not have option to put him in daycare either as there was no daycare at office or any daycare close to home. Also my Avik was just 3 months. I somehow was not able to accept the fact that I should take break from my work. I was unhappy.

  Like me many other mothers face similar situation. Some take a break and get back to work after some years. And some get used to staying back at home.  I wish every office would have a daycare center and all mothers who want to continue working, could do that.  Things have become much better than before, a lot of daycare centers are blooming and the maternity leave is also now extended to 6 months.

In my case, somehow the positive attitude and my extreme will has played a miracle in my life. The saying that “WHERE THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY” is true.  I did not take a single day break from my career and I have managed well to grow up my baby myself. Yes I’m a proud mother to say that I have handled him alone.  I still work and I’m happy to be independent. I faced a lot of challenges to continue my work. But there are a few people in my life without whose help I could not have continued my career.  My managers, Pradeep Jain and Mrigank Shekhar, who had allowed me to work from home for more than a year. They trusted me and gave me such wonderful flexibility.  By God’s grace, a day care was building in our office. Things were falling in place. But I moved to a new business unit all together. I had to work from home few more months so that I could put my son to the daycare. I put my son to daycare and was restless. It was change for my little son as well as for me.  I brought this concern to my new Manager, Deepak Kamath, another wonderful person. He also provided me enough flexibility. I was a new person in that team under him but still he had faith in me and I used to leave as early as I could. Avik also troubled a lot to get used to the day care. He took one whole year to get used to the new place. He used to puke daily in the morning when he used to get ready for day care. I had to clean him up feed him again. And after reaching the daycare again he used to puke out after crying. It was tough for me to see him doing this. I always used to think whether I should quit and make him stay at home. Took advises from child psychologist and pediatrician. And I tried to make him strong with tears in my eyes and keeping my heart strong. One day he had to go to school too and it was just about giving time. Thinking of this, I did not give up. And finally, after one year he started enjoying his day care. Slowly things fully fell in place and I was happy at my work and my son was happy at his day care. It was for many years that I had stayed in that company, so I thought of switching. It was also time for Avik to go to Big school. It was again another critical year. Avik was about to start proper school and I would join a new company.

I used to read out the story of “Pepper and Mamma’s new Job” to Avik daily to make him prepared for our new job J. I had to adjust with his school timings. My company was new and I never knew how my new manager would behave when I put my concerns before him. I had just joined.  Lot of questions in mind and with lot of guilt I told my new manager, Tushar Shekhar that I should adjust my son’s school timings. And I was surprised to see his cool reaction about it. And yes, I do work in flexible timings. I’m thankful to him. Seriously if such people would not have been there, I wonder what would have happened to people like me. I’m happy and I have a continuation in my career. This time my parents also supported me. They came to take care of my son during vacation.

And apart from all these there is very supportive person at my home, my husband who has supported me throughout. For every decision that I have taken in my life, he was there with me.

And with all their help now my little son has become a big boy. He says, “Mumma it’s ok, I can stay in day care during my holidays”. My eyes had filled with tears of joy when he said to me, “Mumma I want to be like you; I want to take care of you like how you take care of me.”

My heartful gratitude and thanks to these wonderful persons for their great support. I am lucky to get such wonderful bosses and a wonderful husband. Words fail to explain how much help they did to me and for which I’ll remain thankful to them.

Believe me motherhood is not a smooth journey.  There are lot of challenges, lot of pain and yes lot of happiness as well. During these years, it has also happened that I have become more strong and more proactive.  I learnt that there is no competition. I’m myself and I’m happy being myself. I had to go through lot of comments as well , for being a part of so called “Society”.  When I was sharing the joy of playing with my little son, few of my male colleagues told me if I was enjoying then I would have been at home and not continued my work. Many people had advised me saying money is not important and I should care for my son as if I was running after money. Many colleagues had told me what a wonderful life “leave early or work from home whenever required”. Many people including relatives told me I’m a selfish and cruel mother – “How selfish and cruel person she is that she keeps her son in the day care”. I used to take these words at my heart and slowly I am learning to ignore. But of course, anger remains.  And still I hear many people judging me on my motherhood. But now I give a damn. We do not happily step out of office and may be by force we are working from home. We take so much guilt in us for doing that. But we are helpless. And it is also not like that we do not complete our work or not responsible for our work. We too work with dedication, commitment and we too follow the deadlines. I learnt that the relationship is with my son and I do not have to prove to others.  I do my best at my home, being a mother and being a wife. And I also give my best as an employee.

We women try to be independent but we in turn become dependent. We are dependent on our husbands, our parents, our colleagues, maids……..But I’m sure at end of the day we are happy.

I might not have a dream job or role today. But the most important thing is that I’m happy with whatever I have currently. And for this I’m thankful to those wonderful persons in my life.